1 Year Since My Psychedelic Journey

Apr 3

My Psilocybin journey was one year ago.

I have been looking back at the journal I kept- both during the journey, and for the weeks after, as I integrated the information I uncovered.

I realize that in some ways I am still integrating what I learned.

I know that for some people, there is a deep fear of what they may find in their own minds. The cobwebs are scary. They are filled with things we do not want to see or feel. I hear that, and I know that. But if the cobwebs scare you, it is important to understand why.

If you know why, and you know plainly that you have spent a lifetime learning how to manage your journey, and you do not need to enhance that experience. I understand it. But I also know that we live with our denial.

Even if it has been pushed to the outskirts, even if it lives only in our unconscious, the weight of our fears and the things we have pushed aside still weighs on us.

We carry it.

Whether we have made it known to ourselves or not, it remains our burden- until we can see it. And only then can we start to become free.

I also know that denial can be a critical tool for survival. Once we know something, we cannot unknow it. We cannot unsee what we finally see.

But if you are asking: Should I try this psychedelic thing? Or the question I hear even more often: What changed for you? What did you discover? What did you learn? I want to answer that honestly.

I had been signed up for the training for two full years before I finally pulled the trigger. The training itself was an entire year- a big commitment, but I also knew I wasn’t quite ready.

My children were still young enough that I did not want to be psychologically unreachable. I also knew I was holding on to things that did not serve me, and I was not yet ready to let them go.

There was a part of me that knew: once I got on this ride, I was going to have to face all of the parts of my life- even the ones I had tucked into small compartments and had closed the door.

So I asked myself: If not now, when? If I choose denial- if I choose not knowing- do I really want to carry that weight for fifty more years? I punched my ticket and got on the ride.

There were no real surprises for me. For some people, there are. But I was left with the deepest sense of knowing.

As a psychologist, I have to say, in two days of psychedelic experience, I walked away with more certainty than I had felt in years of therapy.

My journey said: you know.

It affirmed my life’s choices and my decisions- but it also told me that I needed to trust my inner sense of knowing. I was no longer allowed to override my gut and my instincts.

I felt the need to slow way down, to make decisions more deliberately, to protect myself. To honor my sense of right and wrong, and to cherish the life I had built. I learned not to take my gut for granted-but to understand that it is, and should be, my moral compass. I also- sidenote- filled my house with plants.

My mindset shifted from I want to do that to I will do that.

And I gave myself this entire year to go as slowly as I wanted with every decision I made.

Do I think finally having my book recognized and bought by a publisher is connected to my journey? Yes.

Not in the writing itself- but in the commitment to keeping my voice my own. To making sure the book reflected exactly what I wanted it to say. Not co-opted by popular ideas or easy tips and tricks.

In it, I finally articulated my entire twenty-year career in eating disorders and was able to address the significant impact of GLP-1s, all from a place of deep experience and compassion, as a way to help everyone who is struggling. That was not easy.

I am proud of the book I have written, and I believe it will help people.

If you have questions, send them my way. I am happy to answer anything I can. And remember- if you have a question, I am sure others do too.

Happy anniversary.

Lots of love on this one-

xxx, Dr. D

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Dr. Danielle Shelov

Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.