The Integration
To write from the heart is a different skill from academic writing. To then share those words and experiences with the world is a moment of pure vulnerability. I think what has amazed me about writing is the feeling of people I know (or don’t know!) coming up to me and saying they resonate with what I've written.
There is an instant connection when someone reads my work and resonates with what I'm saying. That is a gift that writing has given me that I didn’t know would happen.
My psychedelic journey was exactly one month ago. Many people have asked me if it still lingers, and what the impact has been in my own life.
When psychedelics are taken in a therapeutic context, they are considered medicine. I believe in that wholeheartedly. I had an integration session this week with one of my facilitators on my journey, and I said, “psychedelics are not for the faint of heart”.
After I said those words to my teacher, she said to me, “The thing about this medicine is that it strips away our defenses and plants us squarely in reality”.
There is wisdom in reality.
Being in reality allows us to see so clearly that there are issues in our lives that we “manage,” where we don’t show up as our authentic selves.
The ways in which we allow small things to slip by, over and over, that don’t necessarily ring true.
Where we enable excuses and words to fill the space when we normally need a much deeper sense of understanding.
When we allow ourselves to be lulled into complacency because making big changes or facing confrontation feels too hard, and sometimes it's easier just to manage than to live squarely in reality.
There is no room or ability for managing on a psychedelic journey. There is only what is blazingly real. And, as I said in my last post, what is understood intellectually transcends into what is known in every cell of your being.
I managed by being busy.
So so busy.
One of my best friends said to me- you have been so busy I feel like you have been changing your clothes in your car between games (spoken like a prior athlete).
Don’t get me wrong, my life is happy, vibrant, and full, rich with people and experiences. Joyous.
Yet.
There were corners of cobwebs in my life that I moved around, delicately ducking and shifting so as to avoid them. Easing off the gas when I came just a bit too close to what I was not ready to be in reality about.
The mother mushroom, however, had other plans for me. Though the journey she gave me was indescribable, it was beautiful, kind, and stunning, filled with happiness and fulfillment, and all of the people I love.
She also removed my management filter. That option became no longer available to me. I can no longer busy myself away from not knowing what is directly in front of me. I am squarely planted in reality.
So, am I glad I did it?
Without a doubt.
Many say the experience is life-changing- I would agree with that sentiment. But I am in the window of time when all of that reality feels delicate. It feels like it's impossible to go outside without sunglasses on because the sun is so bright.
But the sunglasses are not managing anything.
They are allowing me to stop being busy. To be still and clear.
No question this medicine is not for the faint of heart, but if you are ready, if you are in a place where your heart feels strong, and you are prepared for whatever the truth will bring, then the journey you have will be the journey you need.
How do you manage?
What are you managing?
Do you even know you are doing it?
What would happen if you stopped?
As always, if you have questions, reach out. See you soon.
Get to KnowDr. Danielle Shelov
Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.
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