Are We Afraid of Freedom?
We all want to feel free. We want to make our own choices, dictate our schedules. We bristle at someone telling us where to be and when.
We rebel against the structure of the “9-5,” yet our world is still shaped around it.
The rat-race continues, generation after generation. We watch each new wave of graduates, in their new button-downs, dresses, and uncomfortable shoes, march toward the train, their backs beginning to shoulder the weight of adulthood.
As a mother, my throat tightens watching my older son take on these responsibilities. More than any other phase, this one is hard for me.
I know that to live, we must work; to make money and aim for financial security so we can afford the things that bring us joy. If we’re lucky, we find not just a job but a career, one that feels like an extension of who we are. I have been fortunate in that way.
But there is something about the permanence of it that feels daunting.
Once the engine starts, it’s nearly impossible to get off the train. The train leaves every morning, and you have to be on it, even when you’d rather spend the day in a world without button-downs, coffee, emails, and train schedules.
Yet, I can’t help but think that parts of us need this structure.
Human beings crave freedom, but we flourish in order. As babies, we’re put on schedules: sleep, wake, eat, nap. As toddlers, we have meal and bedtime routines. When children act out, we sense they need containment. We hug them, swaddle them, give them a time-out, trying to intuit what they need to feel soothed and calm.
The flag flies because of the strength of the pole beneath it.
We often choose the most well-known path because we fear the unknown.
What if the unseen road leads to a cliff?
Or a dead end?
Even if we know it will lead somewhere, it’s unpredictable. Risky. But if we only choose safety, part of us will fall asleep. To flourish as adults, we need both: structure and freedom.
This weekend, I saw some of my oldest friends from childhood. We laughed for hours, trading war stories.
One friend mentioned a plan to fly to London for a long weekend and joked, “Who am I to do this?”
My thought was: You are you.
It’s okay to choose the train, the schedule, and the coffee. But it’s just as important to choose spontaneity and joy.
That’s what renews our sense of purpose. That’s what keeps us connected to the intuition and joy of our youth. When I dropped my son off at the train this morning, I felt grateful that his childhood isn’t over yet.
My hope is that he learns not only discipline and work ethic, but also the courage to take risks and challenge the status quo.
That is what it means to be free.
Get to KnowDr. Danielle Shelov
Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.
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