Letting Go of The Shoulds and Tackling Food Morality
The sun is out.
For those of us around NYC, it has been really gray. It has been relentlessly raining without any sign of the sun. But the shift is in the air.
I can feel the lift of school ending and summer adventures beginning. I am seeing camp trucks getting scooped up, and graduation parties are everywhere.
Recently, I have been focusing on the conversation around food and bodies even more than usual.
The introduction of GLP-1’s into the mainstream is moving the conversation rapidly, and more and more I am hearing people talk about the food noise that they never knew they had.
In a recent post, I wrote that only recognizing something was hard when it finally disappears. Unknowingly, we carry our burdens while our minds and bodies help us manage them, keeping the stress underneath the level of consciousness.
As humans, we are so adaptable.
We are strong and capable, and we figure out how to manage hard things without even knowing that we are managing. It is dawning on me that food noise falls into this exact same category.
It is only as people accidentally find freedom from it, at times through GLP-1s, that they realize how much it is actually dictating their behavior.
They had no idea that they never allowed themselves to eat both halves of a sandwich, even if they were hungry, because their food noise unconsciously told them it was wrong or that they shouldn’t.
Morality and food have merged in our society, in a term I call food morality, which I know I talk about frequently.
I often ask the question:
When did food become a moral issue?
When did we become “good” because we eat salad and “bad” because we eat burgers?
Shoulds, goods, bads, don’ts—we can never catch a break.
So, how about this shocking idea: it is time to go on summer vacation from your shoulds.
I am specifying food here, but if food is not your should- choose what works. What rule do you unconsciously adhere to that dictates your behavior, that you don’t even realize you are doing? Skipping lunch so you can go out for dinner? No carbs during the week? Being “good” so you can let yourself be “bad”?
Let it go.
Grant yourself the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Freedom is having choices. There is nothing more freeing than choice.
Studies show that what gives people the greatest happiness at work is not working less but having a choice in when they work—flexibility, autonomy, and freedom.
I hear so often that people fear that without a rigid structure, they will “let themselves go.”
They worry that they will become fat, or drunks, or drug addicts, or some other horrible truth. But I challenge this perception.
I believe that the freedom to choose will show you that your body is here to protect you and serve you, not sabotage you.
One reason people binge or get out of control is often that they have kept the reins so tight that they do not feel free. Because of that, the moment they feel freedom, it consumes them.
So, let’s experiment.
I will do it too.
Take a summer vacation from your shoulds. Beat it. Let’s go with our wants.
Let’s do it together.
Get to KnowDr. Danielle Shelov
Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.
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