When Everyone Is Driving You Crazy

Oct 28

I haven’t written this newsletter as consistently this past month. It’s not because I’ve gone dormant—it’s because I’m busily creating a Substack. Next week, I’ll share the link to join. It will be a longer form of this blog and will include sneak peeks at chapters from my book. I hope you’ll find me over there :)

My book is still sitting with publishers, but I think I need to get it out into the world. The response to the book content on other platforms tells me it’s time—so stay tuned. More to come!

So—what’s been on my mind? As bizarre as it feels, it’s almost November. What themes am I getting into? What’s been resonating with me?

This theme keeps popping up—it always does. Sometimes louder, sometimes quieter. But it’s one of the most consistent things I hear: everyone is driving me crazy.

Not just one person.

Everyone.

Why does this happen? When it’s one person, it might just be a disagreement—but what does it mean when we’re triggered or irked by things we thought we’d made peace with? When a friend or family member does what they always do, but suddenly we’re at our wits’ end?

You probably know the phrases: “I’m done with them,” “I can’t do this anymore,” or “I just can’t deal.”

Even worse are the moments when we don’t know who to call, because everyone is annoying us so much that there’s no one left to complain to. (Cue therapist.)

And when even your therapist doesn’t get it? Shit. We’re in deep.

So what’s the solution? What do I say when my patients tell me they’re in the worst mood—or what do I look at when I’m feeling drained myself?

Through hard moments and effort, I’ve learned this: irritation is the biggest signal we have. It’s a direct message from the inside of your soul to slow down.

Period.

When you can’t tolerate things that normally wouldn’t bother you, when life feels sticky and quicksand-y, when little things take more energy than you can muster—your radar is telling you: please, ease off the gas. You’re asking too much of me, and I don’t have the bandwidth to keep up.

About two years ago, I started seeing a healer—an intuitive bodyworker—twice a month. It’s become a non-negotiable practice for me. It’s a session where someone works with my body to translate what it’s holding—the things my brain hasn’t yet processed. I often leave with a simple message from her:

“Your throat is tight—you need to say what you mean.”

Or: “You’re doing deep work; we’re accessing a deeper level of letting go.”

My personal favorite? “You descend from a shaman who is walking with you in this life.”

I remember thinking—okay, that’s a new one—but it stuck with me. Because in some strange way, it felt true. Like she was naming a part of me I hadn’t yet recognized.

What this space gives me is time to realign my body with my mind. Because guess what? Our bodies—like Bessel van der Kolk says—keep the score.

Whatever I’m managing but not allowing myself to feel shows up in my body. None of us can control that.

The body is the real truth-teller about what’s happening in our emotional world.

So, how does this connect to the global irritation with all people? Because irritation—especially with things or people we normally tolerate—is just a signal to take a minute.

I use the expression: Go dark.

Say no to things.
Go inward.
Slow down.
Reconstitute. Rebuild your energy.

The people who irritate you are probably just being themselves—it’s you who needs care.

I’ve learned to listen to the signal of global irritation, plus my bodyworker, as a message to slow down. To regroup. Because everyone can’t possibly become annoying at the same time—it’s me who needs the work.

I care enough about myself to put my oxygen mask on first, so I can take what I need. Then I can show up the way I want to for everyone else.

So what do we do?

Take the irritation as a sign. Stop. Take some time. You need it.

Get to Know

Dr. Danielle Shelov

Dr. Shelov's therapeutic approach emphasizes understanding individuals within the context of their families, childhood experiences, relationships, and larger systems as crucial to psychological treatment.